Videos hosted by Michael Erlewine

Right now it's like I'm suspended in midair (or packed in cotton) as I prepare to head out for the yearly Mahamudra meditation intensive. Inside I am very empty, which is good because Rinpoche has the teachings that can remedy that. Like a sieve, my insight drains out, but fortunately some remains. For me it's always two-steps forward and one-step back.

Anyway, it is a good sign that I am at a turning point because indeed that's where I am. I feel I have given whatever I have to offer and am just flat-out empty. It's a good feeling, this emptiness. No, it is not the "emptiness" that the Buddhists speak of, but just plain old regular feeling-empty.

Can I eventually pick up where I left off? Who knows? And it is not really important because I have learned that whatever is coming next is what I will be doing. I often have no idea what will happen internally even the next day. The opportunity to actively learn the dharma in whatever I do is a gift that was for me slow in coming, but once found, deeply cherished.

The real blessing of dharma is to find that everything I need is at hand and, best of all, that I can always be fully involved (and with no doubts) on a miraculous journey of awareness. As my first true dharma teacher said to me many times:

"My god is no beggar! I don't have to make the ends meet. The ends already meet."

This little poem I wrote some time ago touches on how I feel.

MEDITATION IS NOTHING

The books say:
Seek a place of solitude,
And meditate,
But it’s just the other way round.

When meditation,
Naturally occurs,
There is no place in the world,
That I feel comfortable,
Try as I might.

Not here or there,
Not doing this or doing that.
Only nothing feels right.

I just want to hold real still,
Let the mind rest,
And then park myself,
Somewhere out of the way,
Like on a cushion,
Or
In a place of solitude,
Because:

Nothing is going on.

Sept. 13, 2010


[Photo taken yesterday.]