“ENLIGHTENMENT IS THE EGO’S ULTIMATE DISAPPOINTMENT”Published on February 26, 2015
The above quote by Chögyam Trungpa is worth noting, not that I am enlightened or close to it. In the Christian New Testament it says “Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it is alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.” True growth involves flat-lining; no one can hold our hand when the thread runs out. This is just existential truth.
I wait for the next thread, the in-breath, if there is to be one. Patience is so difficult, waiting, not knowing. It is much easier for me to just do something to death, which is what the word “execute” is all about. However, lately, as I start to do something, I am realizing it does not really have to be done or that I have already mastered whatever there is to be learned from it. It is just another exercise in futility, as they say. Doing “nothing” is much more difficult, about as next to impossible as it gets.
It is not that there is something to be done, but rather it’s about the mindfulness itself to do anything, including exactly what I am now doing this moment, which may be close to nothing at all. As they say, “Close, but no cigar.”
It seems that, more of the time, I am struggling with the concept of “purpose.” It is much more comfortable for me to be doing something that has great “purpose,” not that I have not done more than enough already. But I am finding that “purpose” is just another way that I clock-out and snooze on. It is so comforting, like settling back on an all-night train and letting it rock me asleep. I would rather make some huge effort to lose myself in than to wake up and just be present.
And I find it is so hard to be present, just exhausting, yet I know that ultimately it is easier than anything else. However, everything conspires to keep me from getting in the groove, but I know that someday this same “everything” is what will keep me in the groove. LOL. It reminds me of this poem I wrote some years ago:
SAMSARA
The same world,
That early on,
Makes it difficult,
To meditate,
Later,
Makes it difficult,
Not to.
October 12, 2010
[Another photo taken yesterday of the rupa (statue) of the Buddha Amitabha.]